The London 2012 Olympic Games is now underway. In the spirit of this special event, we will take a look at a different kind of competition — dating games!
When it comes to love, everyone agrees that “playing games” is bad. Yet we all play them, whether we are aware of it or not. People play games for different reasons. For example, they may want to decide whether the attraction is mutual, and minimize the risk of rejection, or establish the various roles and power dynamics within a future relationship. Here we will look at three kinds of games commonly played at the beginning of a relationship, with particular regard to dating Chinese women on Chnlove.
1. Frequency of correspondence and phone calls
In your past dating history, do you wait a certain amount of time before calling a number that you acquired on your last Saturday night out? This is a classic example of the ‘mating game’ in action. Consciously you are trying not to appear ‘desperate’; subconsciously you are asserting your individuality and self-reliance, which are attractive traits in a potential partner. Similarly, let’s say you have just started writing to a lady on Chnlove. You have to write to her or call her frequently enough early in the relationship to communicate interest, but not so much that it makes you look desperate. So what’s the right frequency?
The truth is that there’s no set number. One person’s “too frequent” is another’s “thoughtless neglect.” It all depends on how often the lady believes she should hear from a guy that’s interested in her. But the rules of the game state that she can’t tell you. That would be cheating. You have to guess.
2. The right time to say “I love you”
Once things are clicking, you have to be careful not to say those three magic little words too soon. You have to stifle that first impulse to say “I love you,” however sincerely felt, however mutual you think the sentiment might be, until an appropriate amount of time has passed. Because although the lady, like everyone else, wants to feel absolutely irresistible, she doesn’t want to feel rushed into making a commitment. So what’s the right time for you to say “I love you”? Sorry, that information is classified. You have to guess, largely based on the character of the lady you are dating. If she is a traditional, reserved Chinese lady, it would be wise to leave those three words until later on, even until you have met her in person.
3. Sending sexual signals
To make a relationship work, you have to be able to decode and send elaborate, unspoken signals about when, where and how to initiate sex. Failure to accurately decode and send the right signals may cause rejection at best, arrest and prosecution at worst. Just to make matters a little more complicated, people’s sexual signals are like snowflakes–no two are alike. So whatever you think you learned about sexual signals from previous partners does not necessarily apply. When it comes to dating a person from a different culture, this issue becomes even more complicated. As a general rule, Chinese women are much more conservative about sex than their Western counterparts. So it is inappropriate to send a lady overtly sexual messages at the beginning of the relationship, because she may feel very embarrassed and it can be a serious turn-off.
We all play these games, and our success in love and romance largely depends on how well we play them. The ability to successfully play the game–to call just enough to communicate interest, not desperation; to hold back strong emotions until both partners are ready to acknowledge them; to read someone’s body language and accurately assess their feelings, needs and desires–demonstrates the kind of emotional skill that a romantic relationship requires to thrive. After all, what do we ask of our mates? We all want them to read our moods, anticipate our needs, and be there for us whenever we need!