Love and Money, which is more important for women in selecting a lifetime partner? It’s a question frequently asked by single men. Today, we are to find out the answer to begin with Alfred’s consulting letter.
Hi, I was writing to a lady, (Ting) for several months, sent and read over 20 mails, chatted online, but when I didn’t have enough credits to receive her phone call, she suddenly decided I couldn’t keep her in the custom to which she is accustomed, so she dropped me. Have to start all over again. I make sure I state in my profile, my financial situation if the ladies take the trouble to read it, to avoid this situation. Tell me honestly what you think. Am I being unrealistic in my attempts to find a partner on these sites? What more can I do but be honest and state my situation? I would appreciate any advice you can give me on this. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings; just be brutally honest with me. Thanks for your help in the past and have a good week (and have a good weekend).
Thank you for your message. I’m sorry to hear about your bad experiences with ChnLove. I’ll try my best to answer your questions and hope it will be of some help.
From what I can see, this is most likely a money problem. Chinese women are renowned for their obsession with money – money is at the top of their priority lists. On 21 August 2011, there was a newspaper article in the Telegraph, UK, titled ‘China tries to stop women marrying for money, rather than love’, which proves this. It mentions how prospective husbands need to at least own a house to meet the minimum requirements of a husband and marriage without one is thought to be a risky choice. Most of these are women who have been brought up in a poor family and want a rich husband to change their lives. However, a lot of the time, this is influenced by the lady’s parents – they want their daughter to have a well-off life because they were poor in the past.
Although this is worrying, and you may ask, ‘Well, does this mean I don’t stand a chance of marrying a Chinese woman if I’m poor?’ And the answer is ‘no’! As with anything, these are only generalizations – there are always exceptions to the norm. But this does mean you’ll have to keep searching to find that woman who is not materialistic and will put love before money.
In the same newspaper article, it mentions a 26 year old Chinese woman, Chang Xueli, a graphic designer in Beijing, who married her 28-year-old husband Xie Zi even though he does not have a house. ‘Before I met my husband, I was like any other girl: full of requirements for my future man, including him owning a property. My parents also arranged a few blind dates for me who have good family backgrounds. They were nice people, but I think I care more about feelings and I didn’t feel anything for them.’ So there are plenty of Chinese women who will only marry the man they love. So when chatting to a Chinese lady, rule out those who you think are just after your money and concentrate on those who you think are generally interested in you as a person.
With regards to being honest and stating your financial situation, I would say it’s a good idea. At least then those who are just interested in money won’t contact you and waste your money. And besides, if you’re not honest, she’s going to find out sooner or later anyway. If you find ladies you’re not interested in sending you mail, you can always block them to save yourself a bit of money.
Although the reason for your lady not wishing to continue correspondence with you is most likely to be because of money, you shouldn’t rule out other possibilities. Maybe she’d realized you were not the one for her, so she didn’t want to waste any more time. If this happens again, you can always try to ask her why she’s feeling the way she is.
Anyway, I hope I’ve answered your questions and concerns. My last tip is follow your instincts and be honest. Money is important to Chinese women, but there are some who put love first, so don’t give up looking. You will find your special lady soon – she is somewhere out there.
All the best!