What Can I Expect From My Future Partner

Posted on Jan 29, 2014 by in Ask an Expert, Dating Advice

Ask an Expert - ChnLove.com

Every man wants to find a young and beautiful girl who perfectly caters to his own needs, while eventually comes up in vain, especially for those whose personal conditions are not that satisfying, just like Ron here. As a dating expert, I suggest locating the marriage criterias based on your own actual situation.

Question:

Dear Rebecca,

I’m a man, 44, who hasn’t really had a proper job in my life – I’ve been self-employed for a long time, but I only make enough money to live on. I’ve recently found a new job, but it’s just manual work and the money’s not great. I’ve divorced once, have four cats and don’t want to live in a big city. I don’t have my own house.

However, I’m looking for a woman, who must be young as I don’t want to think about having kids just yet, who doesn’t mind me having cats, who doesn’t mind what I do as a living, who doesn’t mind whether or not I have my own place, who doesn’t mind living in a small town. I have all these criteria, expect her to be so flawless, while I myself have so many imperfections. Do you think I’m asking too much from my potential partner?

Ron

Answer:

Dear Ron,

Thanks for your letter! When looking for Mrs. or Mr. Right, we all have a fantasy ideal in mind: tall, dark and handsome, a movie star body with a Pulitzer Prize winner’s brain or another variation that suits you perfectly.

There’s nothing wrong with these kinds of pedestals, either. Fantasizing about your dream mate will only help you to discover more of what you want and need in a relationship. But where do you draw the line between fantasy and reality? When do you know your relationship expectations aren’t realistic?

Your relationship expectations may be unreasonable if:

– You have specific requirements regarding your potential mate’s height, weight, and/or appearance that aren’t negotiable under any circumstances;

– You refuse to date anyone unless they make a certain amount of money;

– You won’t date someone who lives further than a quick drive away;

– Anyone without similar interests as you is out of the question; and/or

– You require a person to trust you and open up to you immediately.

Your relationship expectations are probably reasonable if:

– A spark of some sorts is required, whether it’s mental, physical or emotional;

– You want someone who finds you amusing, adorable, and/or exciting;

– You are holding out for someone whose basic views on the world are similar, but not necessarily identical to yours; and/or

– Someone with the same willingness to be in a relationship and with similar long-term dating goals, whether that’s for casual dating, cohabitation or a committed marriage.

In closing, it’s great to feel confident, be confident, and have high expectations… but be realistic as well.  If you only limit yourself to supermodels, you better be a rock star. Have expectations, but not too many, and only have realistic ones. Close your eyes and picture your ideal mate: what talents, qualities, personality traits, experiences and emotional capabilities do you want her to have? Your criteria should be those which you feel are essential to your happiness, and the others should be the ones which would be nice, but not necessary.

Warm regards,

Rebecca

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